Little Things Matter..

I love the little things in life, the good and the bad. I didn't had class nor work yesterday and today, which is the first time for me in a while. So, I decided to call two friends who where in their spring break, I had my spring break last week.........We some how decided to head to Rochester, MN....here we were, early morning yesterday driving on the famed MN high-way 35W(yeah the high-way that had the bridge collapsed-which killed 13 people, while 100s where injured) when we started talking about what are the greatest joys or sadnes in life?

First, the usual stuff came up, family, friends, wealth, reaching some-where, Natalie Portman-Shakira-Amanda Bynes, blah, blah, blah U know the guys stuff....and by the way if U haven't noticed my love for Natalie cutey Portman yet, she's my pick of the best arse to bed..:)...Any-way things were ok up to there, but one of my friends got emotional...the three of us, he is the man's of men, the guy who doesn't really show that much of emotion, the one who had his father leave his mother when he was a kid, the one who watched and was the guardian of younger brother and sister through-out his youth, while the other two of us where running after girls and movie centers, he was the one that stayed at home and the one who had seen it all........Three of us have known each other since childhood and he isn't the guy who shows his emotions.....So i was taken back when I saw him really get tears on his eyes..not the first time, but this was the only time I can remember since I have known him..

He said, Mr. Ian!

He couldn't complete what he want to say.......

After some mins and silence he said Teacher Watt.

At this point, the other two of us start looking at each other....we both knew Teacher Watt-he was a science teacher for three of us back in high school.....but since high school this was the first time I really heard him or anyone else say or mention Teacher Watt. His real name was Teacher Ian Cole....but students used to call him Teacher Watt....he had a famous line known to all students at our school...that even in our graduation day there was contest who can mimic his tone and say "Waaaaaaatt U want". Every-time U ask him a question, he used to repeat that.."Waaatt U want".....and students used to love that line. To make this short, not known to other two of us.....for my friend Teacher Watt was one of the greatest joys of his life, that he had known him....For him, Teacher Watt was the man that made him and shown him a life he hasn't known before, that of possibilities. He said he was his angel, the one that saw his enduring love for art and biology, the one who used to call his mother every month for four years, the one who stayed after school for him to complete his work, the one who warned him and the one he seeked when he was down and when he was up...the one that had answer to his questions and he was the father he never had.

Sure, all of us have that special person, the one that U could for ever love, the one who understood U and made things right. For me that person is my mom.....

U see, back in high school, three of us really liked this teacher, as did countless others.....but the other two of us didn't really know the deep relationship between our best-friend and our chap teacher, for us he was another great teacher, one from countless others......Yep, we knew about the calls to his mother, 'cause we heard it the next day....but that was it. U see, our beloved Teacher Watt hasn't seen what my friend has became.....he passed away a year after our graduation..God bless his soul......I know he's smilling right know, knowing what my beloved friend and his beloved student has became, what he thought he would be.

Beating the Dems on Race or Gender...

• If it's Obama race will be an issue as it has been shown last few weeks. Look at Fox News get a hard-on talking about Obama's pastor and use religious signs to make their points and change a hate speech to racial issue which wins votes...
• If it's Clinton she will be un-done by the same conservatives and media that's very lazy and doesn't know what facts are. They will call her feminist, like something is wrong with feminism. They will attack her as they have been doing to Obama in the last few days..and call her a "American Hating Liberal".

Let me say few things about Obama's speech on race and the way the media has changed from a pastor's hate speech to a racial speech which is the only way the conservative, religious righties, and the Republican hate machine can win on this time. They can't win on immigration which was their number one issue, since they have McCain the man who wants sensible immgration laws, they can't win again going after gays, that has been used many times, they can't win 'cause many of us have learnt their tricks to scare the sh*t out us, so what will they do and that has already started? Race on Obama and unpatriotic on Hillary..both of these work all the time. If Obama, call on his race(even though he's both white and black) and If it's Hillary, I bet Bill's b-jobs and hating women will be the nightly talk.

I know another thing about this, who ever beats Obama, Clinton or McCain, they will be known the president who got elected instead of obama 'cause of racial hatred........not on politicies, 'cause the Republican Party has got nothing on politics, they have done worse things to this countrty than we can replace or fight for in decades...but still race will work for those in Ohio and Florida....'cause that's what have replaced real discussion about today's problems.....and the RIGHt WINGers will not stop to beat him with drums til Nov. and the day of the election..telling us and everyone that; he's just black....

Don't kid yourself, if it isn't him on race, Hillary would have been accused of being "An American hating liberal/dyke/woman" who has no shame; 'cause she still sleeps with the man who slept with other women...

This is a shame, after 8 years of Bush, the way the media has played on Obama vs Clinton fights, racial hatred, hatred of religious freedom and separation of religion from politics, seems to make me PUKE. This is insane.

Com'on....Married man need whores....spice things up.

A married man has been f*cking whores on the side. Is that news?

Ok, now chill, I know he's married man, he's man with power, he's governor of a state, he's the man that all criminals feared, but what about if he wasn't all that? What about the regular guy, married with kids, works hard everyday, and does what the New York governor has done? U see, what bothers me the most is that this guy as was the case with GOP senators (Vitter and Graig) or the religious right wing gay from Arizona, yeah the one f*cking the gay guy while telling his followers to kill gays. Not really killing, but just sh*ting about their lives which he has no role in it, like these guys New York governor Spitzer is a hypocrizzle which is why I really think it was good to see that he has lost what he worked all his life, great job, his reputation, a criminal indictment, and his marriage....and by the way, Kristen, AKA Ashley Alexandra Dupre, AKA the whore is hotty....:) That's her.

"Anticipation and Hope are born twins"

No matter the history, no matter the past, still this nation has and will for ever be known the nation of the people. No matter how corrupt it's leaders and parties have been, no matter on it's inhumane slavery history, it's savagery inception, this nation which has endured many angles and still stood as a nation of the best known democratic constitution may for ever be lost to a leaders who seek fear, mis-informaiton, and who lacked vision and hope to wage a war on today's problems. Again, let me go back to my hero, to Jean Jacques Rousseau and see what he have said many centuries ago about our current being....

Life: Rousseau wrote "The person who has lived the most is not the one with the most years, but the one with the richest experiences.

Both Hillary and McCain talk about their years in Washington, their time in the senate, their dealings with the washington lobby, their 3am phone call to attack false nations rather the root of the problems as in the case in Osama in Afghanistan. Yes, both have lived more than Obama, both have more experiences about the world, but they are not the ones who can change this generation which is a must and who can start a new political system that doesn't make everything about a party (GOP or Dems) beating the other, but the future of a nation in decline. As man of different cultures, a man who has lived many regions of the world, a man who was not married to a former president or an old man who left his older wife for younger rich ~15 years his senior while his wife was in the hospital after accident which still his children hasn't forgive him.......Obama is the MAN for this hour and for this age.

Truth: Rousseau "General abstract truth is the most precious of all blessings; without it, man is blind; it is the eye of reason."

Both Hillary and McBush will try to win again playing the false game. McBush will try to make the Iraq war rossy, will argue we have to be there 100 years so they don't come her for another 100 years, he will argue things are going great(today's death total-five American troops killed), he will try to falsely accuse the Dems of being with the terror groups, he will try say he knows the economy when he doesn't, he will try to starting wars from all corners of the world, he will try to blame those of us who still think we are better country than what Bush and Co have given us last 7 years as peacenicks. While on the other hand, Hillary will claim she will fight the fights of Bush and McCain, she will try to go beyond reason and tell us she never voted for the Iraq War, that after being asked of Obama's religioin said "she doesn't for sure know Obama beliefs, but will take his words" or that he wasn't against the war. She will use non-abstract racial under garments, which will be spread by her many old friends, who will say, Obama....is only here 'cause he won red-states, caucuses don't count, he should be my VP even though, he's leading me on delegades which is what matters to win, although he has 600,000 more people who voted against her and for him, even though....he will win tomorrow in Mississipi.

U see lately, it seems truth does not matter, since we don't hold our leaders to what we hold to our little kids......both Hillary and McCain will try as Rousseau has said...to make sure we stay blind and ignorent to reason. The only hope for this nation is a new start and Obama is that man for this start. A new political agenda, forget the political fights of the past, those of the last 30 years for the good of the country.....Hillary and Mcbush don't know how to lead this nation from this dark political disaster......but hey, I'm a Dem...so Hillary will tell me to support her if she some how wins with the Superdelegates...which is what she's trying.....So, let me go back to my friend Rosseau once again....

"Conscience is the voice of the soul, the passions are the voice of the body. Is it astonishing that often these two languages contradict each other, and then to which must we listen? Too often reason deceives us; we have only too much acquired the right of refusing to listen to it; but conscience never deceives us; it is the true guide of man; it is to man what instinct is to the body; which follows it, obeys nature, and never is afraid of going astray."

I will surely with my conscience not able to vote for Hillary (never to the GOP) and may go astray from the Democratic Party or even voting again.

Read it...Rousseau says leave the gays to their life..

One person that influences me the most on all great influential thinkers of the past is Jean-Jacques Rousseau...He's the man that influenced my political and social life. If U every want read any of his works and had to read one try his great book "Confessions of Jean-Jacques Roussueau".

On education: On Emile Rousseau has good warnings and points that need to be spread. Emile is the most important book about education after "Republic" by Plato. Which is what many people who vote 'cause they hate...'cause some one told them so....need to read.

"From the first moment of life, men ought to begin learning to deserve to live; and, as at the instant of birth we partake of the rights of citizenship, that instant ought to be the beginning of the exercise of our duty. If there are laws for the age of maturity, there ought to be laws for infancy, teaching obedience to others: and as the reason of each man is not left to be the sole arbiter of his duties, government ought the less indiscriminately to abandon to the intelligence and prejudices of fathers the education of their children, as that education is of still greater importance to the State than to the fathers: for, according to the course of nature, the death of the father often deprives him of the final fruits of education; but his country sooner or later perceives its effects. Families dissolve but the State remains. (Rousseau 1755: 148-9)"

"Plants are shaped by cultivation and men by education. … We are born weak, we need strength; helpless we need aid; foolish we need reason. All that we lack at birth, all that we need when we come to man's estate, is the gift of education. … I will say little of the importance of a good education; nor will I stop to prove that the current one is bad. Countless others have done so before me, and I do not like to fill a book with things everybody knows. (Emile, Jean Jacques Rousseau)"

U see, this was a man who lived not to enjoy what he had, a great writer, a man who could have had it all, money, peace, but still picked fight with the church, with religion, with colonial era, with other philosophers who came before him, but still remained us important things in life. What's freedom? Is it the one we have that we can say what ever? Protest? Vote? or is it absolute freedom? What about the so-called "Others" todays GAYS? The religious right AKA the Republican Party has made it known where they stand. But what does Rousseau said about it?

"THE strongest is never strong enough to be always the master, unless he
transforms strength into right, and obedience into duty. Hence the right
of the strongest, which, though to all seeming meant ironically, is
really laid down as a fundamental principle. But are we never to have an
explanation of this phrase? Force is a physical power, and I fail to see
what moral effect it can have. To yield to force is an act of necessity,
not of will -- at the most, an act of prudence. In what sense can it be a
duty? Rousseau.

R we all equal? Soooooooo equal that your morals/what U think is right does little to change the other standing next to you? Does the rule of majority is to rule only the majority....and the minority does not feel sh*t. U see, today's Republican Party needs wake up call. I can't say they will wake up......Religion is sh*t...it makes people think as they R different from each other.....although, nature says not so fast.

BORN IN AGE OF LOST....

Wow, what a year it has been so far...I'm both doing great and also not.....

Do U ever have this feeling of lost, while in the eyes of others and world perspective U have it all? That's my present situation. Some of my posts here and one of the reasons why I like to remain anon is that of writing my own personal journal entries on here. This is what I have wrote few weeks ago.

Yes, I ain't sick with medical reasons, not sick with any disease that those I see everyday have nor any problem that a doctor can diagnose. My problems can't be fixed with medication nor with psychoanalytic theories. It can't be fixed with religious texts, God knows I haven't sinned and I'm positive that because of my beliefs and lifestyles religion doesnt do it.

Now what!

In the last month and half I feel like I don’t even fit in with my own life. Lately I have found myself swept up in the whirlwind of life and what's amazing is that I know it. May times others closer by have said they envy the simplicity of my life an open individual with great social life who can walk in or out in any situation and education life that few will ever have the chance to experience. So, again what's the deal?

Here is the deal, I don't know how to say NO and that causes me many problems that I can't handle at the end. The worst part of this is all my relationships started with me saying YES, rather NO. No, thanks I'm not interested.......even when I should have yelled about it. I'm back with my old high school girlfriend once more....and I already know it will not last long.....ohh how I sh*t with my life... I know we would not be great after all that went between us….even though I hate that deep, deep down I am aware it will never happen again as it did and by saying YES makes me fear saying NO and that I will have to spend the rest of my whole life wondering what if it can work again and I have said NO.....

You see, I always fear saying NO, I fear it will change me too much....my personality and life has been all YES.......This fear also goes beyong my love life....lately I have seen it with other parts of my life....which makes me fear more.

UPDATE.....

Thanks all. "Some-times" the way I write comes like I mean different to what I really wanted or I mean for it. Alaz, that has been my life-always changing, always open. My original mental stage when I wrote this on my journal was that "I hold that humans are not equal for goodness and badness...the goodness out-weights the badness..and here is where my YES always comes from.....This is more personality and not changing reality. Thus, making me to really hold for-ever to those who R close to me, with or without the past history we had in the past. U see, every person who has been involved in my-life has been there, still there and will always be there, for goodness or badness. And I have been there for them. I have lived my life that way. I still see all my old flames including her and others that I always thought were the ones, but end thankfully. U see, I really hold my life has been special and THEY, those who I came to live with, hold, enjoy their lives as much as I did in my past.....The problems is saying NO, when it comes to futureless love which I would like to be only for her and me to be friends as I have been with her family and her.....that's all.