Thinking F*cking 2 Much.....

Please, please, please quit if U smoke and if U don't stay away from it.

Ooh man, I wished U could be there, with me in that lab...dissecting the body of a man who have smoked 40 yrs of his 53 years in life. Man was that an experience! I usually get work on one cadaver a month, men and women who donated their bodies for medical training and provide an important place for us to produce and teach future medical students on human biology. The man had a laterally another skin on top of each internal organ of his body...this skin was a thick-dura like skin that was f*cking black/brownish and had some red dots on them..eewwwww. Human organs need to breath, flex as your loungs and heart do...but skin like that death is waiting few doors down....now I really and first person account know why lung cancer is the most serious medical problems out there. Death is certain.

Lately life has been like a sailing a boat in the middle of the 17th century N the fucking pacific ocean. Things come and go, still standing to tell it and enjoy some and hate some. Lately I have these weird moments, where I feel like I should freaking just leave college, or work, or Minnesota and all the dreams of my past. Nothing is more special and important to me right now than being myself, not f*cking following a f*cking time-table...do this, do that, and do those. college is making us slaves to money, future that we can never know even if tomorrow may come.....Lately, I'm hating plannning on things with passion.

We humans are not supposed to think this much, thinking to much is f*cking called mental illness. I can't stop thinking about why be in college, where I can move to Europe N work for my Dad and find a job while I enjoy it. Four years of college have already gave me a good education where I could have made money without thinking on grad. school. What happened to my planned conservation work in this summer to Indonesia -it was f*cked-up by me getting a new job at one of the largest hospitals(HCMC) which was said it will help me create connections with who's who in medical research around the twin-cities. What about my plans on political life with the DFL? It didn't happen yet & I don't have the time for it now...sh*t I even don't have the time to f*cking wear my snow shoes in this morning, when it snowed like we're living in Siberia....late, late, run, run, be there, be here, it all seems my rpm is never going to slow-down. I really am thinking hard about this and may just for once in my younger life having a total re-tool of my past dreams that are there, but not as much enjoyable as I thought I would. I love my life too much to waste thinking 2 f*cking much about my future educational goals.